Though as a non-skilled, Gogo (from wife’s side) kept a position at a local state hospital for several years – responsible for receiving emergency patients from ambulances to wards on stretch-beds as well as escorting referred/outbound ones. When she retired in 2016, she received a not very large lump sum of about $20000. Amongst other expenditures from the said lump sum was the erection of a two rooms flat she relocated to from the main house (which we then occupied until our relocation Dec 2018) as well as this car’s price. At the time of this journal, she still has around US$5000 in bank savings, she also bought and is keeping a live stock (more of a hobby) and has several life and funeral covers. All of which will need to be ceased under wife’s care (as the only surviving child) should she be called yonder at anytime (my own parents hardly have any anything in their name apart from the fact that I am not the only surviving child).
Which is where the problem seemed to emanate. As with all souls, we feel it is our place to wrestle the Father for her awakening and possible salvation. Unfortunately, I sometimes simply felt like we are not wrestling enough for whatever reasons – greatly aggravated by wife’s somewhat sluggish state at the time (she is a lot better now) since one had expected she would be the forerunner since Gogo is her immediate family.
Now because we cannot meditate on possible future hopes (especially with regard to our somewhat needy state) without being brought to consider this one possible inheritance. It appears that as often as we meditates on Gogo’s age and rather poor health (sadly common with the aged) that heart will be tempted long for her departure. This would often be aggravated whenever she would report of being unwell.
While this evil is indeed resistible as with all (as taught in the Scriptures), I felt indeed ashamed of being thus a beneficiary to one I may feel I have failed to show reciprocal goodness when I had a chance. And thus thought it might help ease the then evident conflict of interests if we should vow to distribute all inherited funds to whomever we may (just never to our own direct needs) should Gogo depart whilst we feel we had yet to wrestle decidedly for her soul. Well I am convinced that some of the reasons that keep us from thus wrestling are indeed justified, but in such cases, the best way to ever proceed would be to earnestly desire God to prolong her days – until we should thus be able to wrestle. But the deceptive heart will wish for here departure irregardless of her Christless state.
Well a man is indeed never in any case to desire the departure of another (possibly except if it be for benevolence reasons – for their own good that is).
Though with somewhat reluctance, wife seemed to agreed to this when it was by myself brought up. Dear God! In Christ’s name.